T-Shirt Today - A new t-shirt everyday! (TShirtToday.com)

BP Cares

6/10/2010 12:00:00 AM

All proceeds from these satirical shirts will be given to www.healthygulf.org

We are printing shirts as quickly as possible, please allow 4-6 weeks for shipping.

***additional fees apply for international shipping

Fund Raiser - I ride for those who can't

9/3/2009 12:00:00 AM

Tour de Cure is a ride that benefits the American Diabetes Association and this year we're joining in to help raise money to fight diabetes. This shirt is a Fund Raiser (hence the price) so anything above the cost of the shirt, the cost to print and ship it will go to the American Diabetes Association.

If you are interested in how much money we've raised or if you would prefer to donate money instead of buying a shirt please sponsor our rider at the following link. http://main.diabetes.org/site/TR?px=5168693&fr_id=6670&pg=personal

You can also follow our rider on Twitter http://twitter.com/JeffDannel

This shirt will remain available up until the day before the ride in Feburary. All orders will be shipped then unless otherwise requested. We are shipping these out together to help reduce cost and increase the amount we can donate to the American Diabetes Association.

Mood:drunk

5/29/2008 12:00:00 AM

Remember the Mood Rings from the 1970's? It was that strange looking ring that contained a thermochromic element that changed color in response to the body temperature of its wearer. The color was said, by some proponents, to indicate the emotional state of the wearer. Well we went one better, now we have Mood Shirts! No these shirts won’t change color when your mood changes but we have created a shirt for every mood we could possibly think of. So no matter what your mood, we’ve got you covered.

Oh if today’s Mood Shirt doesn’t fit your current mood, you should get it anyway because you will be in that mood later and need it, and these shirts will be offered one a day, and in true TshirtToday.com fashion after that day they are gone baby gone!

This shirt was designed by: One of the TShirtToday designers

Shirt color: Black (we know it may look navy blue but trust us its really black)

Placement: Centered

Mood:drained

5/28/2008 12:00:00 AM

This shirt was designed by: One of the TShirtToday designers

Shirt color: Black (we know it may look navy blue but trust us its really black)

Placement: Centered

Mood:dorky

5/27/2008 12:00:00 AM

This shirt was designed by: One of the TShirtToday designers

Shirt color: Black (we know it may look navy blue but trust us its really black)

Placement: Centered

Mood:ditzy

5/26/2008 12:00:00 AM

This shirt was designed by: One of the TShirtToday designers

Shirt color: Black (we know it may look navy blue but trust us its really black)

Placement: Centered

Mood:distressed

5/25/2008 12:00:00 AM

This shirt was designed by: One of the TShirtToday designers

Shirt color: Black (we know it may look navy blue but trust us its really black)

Placement: Centered

Mood:distraught

5/24/2008 12:00:00 AM

This shirt was designed by: One of the TShirtToday designers

Shirt color: Black (we know it may look navy blue but trust us its really black)

Placement: Centered

Mood:distractable

5/23/2008 12:00:00 AM

This shirt was designed by: One of the TShirtToday designers

Shirt color: Black (we know it may look navy blue but trust us its really black)

Placement: Centered

Mood:disgusted

5/22/2008 12:00:00 AM

This shirt was designed by: One of the TShirtToday designers

Shirt color: Black (we know it may look navy blue but trust us its really black)

Placement: Centered

Mood:discontent

5/21/2008 12:00:00 AM

This shirt was designed by: One of the TShirtToday designers

Shirt color: Black (we know it may look navy blue but trust us its really black)

Placement: Centered

Mood:disappointed

5/20/2008 12:00:00 AM

This shirt was designed by: One of the TShirtToday designers

Shirt color: Black (we know it may look navy blue but trust us its really black)

Placement: Centered

Mood:dirty

5/19/2008 12:00:00 AM

This shirt was designed by: One of the TShirtToday designers

Shirt color: Black (we know it may look navy blue but trust us its really black)

Placement: Centered

Mood:devious

5/18/2008 12:00:00 AM

This shirt was designed by: One of the TShirtToday designers

Shirt color: Black (we know it may look navy blue but trust us its really black)

Placement: Centered

Determined

5/17/2008 12:00:00 AM

This shirt was designed by: One of the TShirtToday designers

Shirt color: Black (we know it may look navy blue but trust us its really black)

Placement: Centered

Depressed

5/16/2008 12:00:00 AM

This shirt was designed by: One of the TShirtToday designers

Shirt color: Black (we know it may look navy blue but trust us its really black)

Placement: Centered

The Art of Breaking Hearts

5/15/2008 12:00:00 AM

We've all been there, and one of our designers was inspired by a recent event in life where someone broke a heart and then walked all over it. It probably should have been a Mood Shirt but we decided to run it outside of the normal series.

Nothing to do with Iron Man

5/14/2008 12:00:00 AM

We thought this was a cool design and although we took our entire company to see the new Iron Man movie, the designer who came up with this design assures us this had nothing to do with seeing the movie. We remain skeptical but decided to run this shirt anyway for one day.

Ready For A Vacation?

5/13/2008 12:00:00 AM

Today's shirt is a small departure from our Mood Shirt series. No worries there are several more to come but we thinkg our designer was trying to drop a hint that he needed a vaction.

Mood: cynical

5/12/2008 12:00:00 AM

This shirt was designed by: One of the TShirtToday designers

Shirt color: Black (we know it may look navy blue but trust us its really black)

Placement: Centered

Mood: curious

5/11/2008 12:00:00 AM

This shirt was designed by: One of the TShirtToday designers

Shirt color: Black (we know it may look navy blue but trust us its really black)

Placement: Centered

Mood: cultured

5/10/2008 12:00:00 AM

This shirt was designed by: One of the TShirtToday designers

Shirt color: Black (we know it may look navy blue but trust us its really black)

Placement: Centered

Mood: crushed

5/9/2008 12:00:00 AM

This shirt was designed by: One of the TShirtToday designers

Shirt color: Black (we know it may look navy blue but trust us its really black)

Placement: Centered

Mood: crunk

5/8/2008 12:00:00 AM

This shirt was designed by: One of the TShirtToday designers

Shirt color: Black (we know it may look navy blue but trust us its really black)

Placement: Centered

Mood: creative

5/7/2008 12:00:00 AM

This shirt was designed by: One of the TShirtToday designers

Shirt color: Black (we know it may look navy blue but trust us its really black)

Placement: Centered

Mood: crazy

5/6/2008 12:00:00 AM

This shirt was designed by: One of the TShirtToday designers

Shirt color: Black (we know it may look navy blue but trust us its really black)

Placement: Centered

Mood: crappy

5/5/2008 12:00:00 AM

This shirt was designed by: One of the TShirtToday designers

Shirt color: Black (we know it may look navy blue but trust us its really black)

Placement: Centered

Mood: cranky

5/4/2008 12:00:00 AM

This shirt was designed by: One of the TShirtToday designers

Shirt color: Black (we know it may look navy blue but trust us its really black)

Placement: Centered

Mood: cooky_wacky

5/3/2008 12:00:00 AM

This shirt was designed by: One of the TShirtToday designers

Shirt color: Black (we know it may look navy blue but trust us its really black)

Placement: Centered

Mood: content

5/2/2008 12:00:00 AM

This shirt was designed by: One of the TShirtToday designers

Shirt color: Black (we know it may look navy blue but trust us its really black)

Placement: Centered

Mood: contemplative

5/1/2008 12:00:00 AM

This shirt was designed by: One of the TShirtToday designers

Shirt color: Black (we know it may look navy blue but trust us its really black)

Placement: Centered

Mood: confused

4/30/2008 12:00:00 AM

This shirt was designed by: One of the TShirtToday designers

Shirt color: Black (we know it may look navy blue but trust us its really black)

Placement: Centered

Mood: confident

4/29/2008 12:00:00 AM

This shirt was designed by: One of the TShirtToday designers

Shirt color: Black (we know it may look navy blue but trust us its really black)

Placement: Centered

Mood: complacent

4/28/2008 12:00:00 AM

This shirt was designed by: One of the TShirtToday designers

Shirt color: Black (we know it may look navy blue but trust us its really black)

Placement: Centered

Mood: Cold

4/27/2008 12:00:00 AM

This shirt was designed by: One of the TShirtToday designers

Shirt color: Black (we know it may look navy blue but trust us its really black)

Placement: Centered

Mood: chipper

4/26/2008 12:00:00 AM

This shirt was designed by: One of the TShirtToday designers

Shirt color: Black (we know it may look navy blue but trust us its really black)

Placement: Centered

Mood: Chill

4/25/2008 12:00:00 AM

This shirt was designed by: One of the TShirtToday designers

Shirt color: Black (we know it may look navy blue but trust us its really black)

Placement: Centered

Mood: Cheerful

4/24/2008 12:00:00 AM

This shirt was designed by: One of the TShirtToday designers

Shirt color: Black (we know it may look navy blue but trust us its really black)

Placement: Centered

Mood:catalyzed

4/23/2008 12:00:00 AM

This shirt was designed by: One of the TShirtToday designers

Shirt color: Black (we know it may look navy blue but trust us its really black)

Placement: Centered

Mood: cantankerous

4/22/2008 12:00:00 AM

This shirt was designed by: One of the TShirtToday designers

Shirt color: Black (we know it may look navy blue but trust us its really black)

Placement: Centered

Mood:Calm

4/21/2008 12:00:00 AM

This shirt was designed by: One of the TShirtToday designers

Shirt color: Black (we know it may look navy blue but trust us its really black)

Placement: Centered

Mood:Busy

4/17/2008 12:00:00 AM

This shirt was designed by: One of the TShirtToday designers

Shirt color: Black (we know it may look navy blue but trust us its really black)

Placement: Centered

Mood:Bummed

4/16/2008 12:00:00 AM

This shirt was designed by: One of the TShirtToday designers

Shirt color: Black (we know it may look navy blue but trust us its really black)

Placement: Centered

Mood:Bullied

4/15/2008 12:00:00 AM

This shirt was designed by: One of the TShirtToday designers

Shirt color: Black (we know it may look navy blue but trust us its really black)

Placement: Centered

Mood:Breezy

4/14/2008 12:00:00 AM

This shirt was designed by: One of the TShirtToday designers

Shirt color: Black (we know it may look navy blue but trust us its really black)

Placement: Centered

Mood:Bouncy

4/13/2008 12:00:00 AM

This shirt was designed by: One of the TShirtToday designers

Shirt color: Black (we know it may look navy blue but trust us its really black)

Placement: Centered

Mood:Bored

4/12/2008 12:00:00 AM

This shirt was designed by: One of the TShirtToday designers

Shirt color: Black (we know it may look navy blue but trust us its really black)

Placement: Centered

Mood:Blustery

4/11/2008 12:00:00 AM

This shirt was designed by: One of the TShirtToday designers

Shirt color: Black (we know it may look navy blue but trust us its really black)

Placement: Centered

Mood:Blissful

4/10/2008 12:00:00 AM

This shirt was designed by: One of the TShirtToday designers

Shirt color: Black (we know it may look navy blue but trust us its really black)

Placement: Centered

Mood:Blessed

4/9/2008 12:00:00 AM

This shirt was designed by: One of the TShirtToday designers

Shirt color: Black (we know it may look navy blue but trust us its really black)

Placement: Centered

Mood:Blank

4/8/2008 12:00:00 AM

This shirt was designed by: One of the TShirtToday designers

Shirt color: Black (we know it may look navy blue but trust us its really black)

Placement: Centered

Mood:Blah

4/7/2008 12:00:00 AM

This shirt was designed by: One of the TShirtToday designers

Shirt color: Black (we know it may look navy blue but trust us its really black)

Placement: Centered

Mood:Bitchy

4/6/2008 12:00:00 AM

This shirt was designed by: One of the TShirtToday designers

Shirt color: Black (we know it may look navy blue but trust us its really black)

Placement: Centered

Mood:Betrayed

4/5/2008 12:00:00 AM

This shirt was designed by: One of the TShirtToday designers

Shirt color: Black (we know it may look navy blue but trust us its really black)

Placement: Centered

Mood:Awake

4/4/2008 12:00:00 AM

This shirt was designed by: One of the TShirtToday designers

Shirt color: Black (we know it may look navy blue but trust us its really black)

Placement: Centered

Mood:Ashamed

4/3/2008 12:00:00 AM

This shirt was designed by: One of the TShirtToday designers

Shirt color: Black (we know it may look navy blue but trust us its really black)

Placement: Centered

Mood:Artistic

4/2/2008 12:00:00 AM

This shirt was designed by: One of the TShirtToday designers

Shirt color: Black (we know it may look navy blue but trust us its really black)

Placement: Centered

Mood:Aroused

4/1/2008 12:00:00 AM

This shirt was designed by: One of the TShirtToday designers

Shirt color: Black (we know it may look navy blue but trust us its really black)

Placement: Centered

Mood:Argumentative

3/31/2008 12:00:00 AM

This shirt was designed by: One of the TShirtToday designers

Shirt color: Black (we know it may look navy blue but trust us its really black)

Placement: Centered

Mood:Apathetic

3/30/2008 12:00:00 AM

This shirt was designed by: One of the TShirtToday designers

Shirt color: Black (we know it may look navy blue but trust us its really black)

Placement: Centered

Mood:Anxious

3/29/2008 12:00:00 AM

This shirt was designed by: One of the TShirtToday designers

Shirt color: Black (we know it may look navy blue but trust us its really black)

Placement: Centered

Mood:Annoyed

3/28/2008 12:00:00 AM

This shirt was designed by: One of the TShirtToday designers

Shirt color: Black (we know it may look navy blue but trust us its really black)

Placement: Centered

Mood:Animated

3/27/2008 12:00:00 AM

This shirt was designed by: One of the TShirtToday designers

Shirt color: Black (we know it may look navy blue but trust us its really black)

Placement: Centered

Mood:angsty

3/26/2008 12:00:00 AM

This shirt was designed by: One of the TShirtToday designers

Shirt color: Black (we know it may look navy blue but trust us its really black)

Placement: Centered

Mood:Angry

3/25/2008 12:00:00 AM

This shirt was designed by: One of the TShirtToday designers

Shirt color: Black (we know it may look navy blue but trust us its really black)

Placement: Centered

Mood:Amused

3/24/2008 12:00:00 AM

This shirt was designed by: One of the TShirtToday designers

Shirt color: Black (we know it may look navy blue but trust us its really black)

Placement: Centered

Mood:Amorous

3/23/2008 12:00:00 AM

This shirt was designed by: One of the TShirtToday designers

Shirt color: Black (we know it may look navy blue but trust us its really black)

Placement: Centered

Mood:Aggravated

3/22/2008 12:00:00 AM

This shirt was designed by: One of the TShirtToday designers

Shirt color: Black (we know it may look navy blue but trust us its really black)

Placement: Centered

Mood:Adventurous

3/21/2008 12:00:00 AM

This shirt was designed by: One of the TShirtToday designers

Shirt color: Black (we know it may look navy blue but trust us its really black)

Placement: Centered

Mood: Adored

3/20/2008 12:00:00 AM

Mood: Accomplished

3/19/2008 12:00:00 AM

Kiss Me I'm Drunk

3/17/2008 12:00:00 AM

St Patty's Shirt Designs

This shirt was designed by: One of the TShirtToday designers

Shirt color: White

Placement: Centered

You Are Not Irish

3/16/2008 12:00:00 AM

If you were born in America, just ask the Irish if you're Irish?

This shirt was designed by: One of the TShirtToday designers

Shirt color: White

Placement: Centered

Leprechaun Clover and Green Beer?

3/13/2008 12:00:00 AM

St Patty's Shirt Designs

This shirt was designed by: One of the TShirtToday designers

Shirt color: Black

Placement: Centered

Beannachtai Na Feile Padraig (Happy St Patricks Day)

3/12/2008 12:00:00 AM

St Patty's Shirt Designs

This shirt was designed by: One of the TShirtToday designers

Shirt color: White

Placement: Centered

Slainte Agus Tainte

3/11/2008 12:00:00 AM

St Patty's Shirt Designs

This shirt was designed by: One of the TShirtToday designers

Shirt color: White

Placement: Centered

Green Beer?

3/10/2008 12:00:00 AM

St Patty's Shirt Designs

This shirt was designed by: One of the TShirtToday designers

Shirt color: Black

Placement: Centered

Touch Mi Lucky Charms

3/9/2008 12:00:00 AM

St Patty's Shirt Designs

This shirt was designed by: One of the TShirtToday designers

Shirt color: Black

Placement: Centered

Signs You Might Be A Coffee Whore

3/2/2008 12:00:00 AM

You answer the door before people knock.

Juan Valdez named his donkey after you.

You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.

You haven't blinked since the last lunar eclipse.

You lick your coffeepot clean.

Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.

Your T-shirt says, "Decaffeinated coffee is the devil's blend."

You can type sixty words per minute ... with your feet.

Your only source of nutrition comes from "Sweet & Low."

You don't sweat, you percolate.

You buy 1/2 & 1/2 by the barrel.

You've worn out the handle on your favorite mug.

Charles Manson thinks you need to calm down.

..more

Prey for Peas

3/1/2008 12:00:00 AM

This shirt was designed by: One of the TShirtToday designers

Shirt color: Black

Placement: Centered

Web Developers

2/29/2008 12:00:00 AM

This shirt was designed by: Two of the TShirtToday designers

Shirt color:Black

Placement: Centered

The Universe is Simple

2/28/2008 12:00:00 AM

This shirt was designed by: One of the TShirtToday designers

Shirt color: Black

Placement: Centered

Sunset

2/27/2008 12:00:00 AM

This shirt was designed by: One of the TShirtToday designers

Shirt color:Carribean Ocean Blue

Placement: Centered

Skateboarding Stickers

2/26/2008 12:00:00 AM

This shirt was designed by: One of the TShirtToday designers

Shirt color: Black

Placement: Centered

Penguin Tennis

2/25/2008 12:00:00 AM

This shirt was designed by: One of the TShirtToday designers

Shirt color: Ice Blue

Placement: Centered

Naked Twister?

2/24/2008 12:00:00 AM

This shirt was designed by: One of the TShirtToday designers

Shirt color: Black

Placement: Centered

But My Little Voice Told Me To Do It

2/23/2008 12:00:00 AM

This shirt was designed by: One of the TShirtToday designers

Shirt color: White

Placement: Centered

Chicken Falling Down Stairs

2/22/2008 12:00:00 AM

This shirt was designed by: One of the TShirtToday designers

Shirt color: Asphalt Gray

Placement: Centered

One Atom Bomb

2/21/2008 12:00:00 AM

This shirt was designed by: One of the TShirtToday designers

Shirt color: Black ( it looks brown because we color adjusted it to show the shirt outline)

Placement: Centered

Corporate Billboard

2/19/2008 12:00:00 AM

Tells it like it is: I am a volunteer advertiser for a company that doesn't give a damn about me.

This shirt was designed by: One of the TShirtToday designers

Shirt color: Corporate Green

Placement: Centered

For Rent

2/18/2008 12:00:00 AM

This shirt was designed by: One of the TShirtToday designers

Shirt color: White

Placement: Centered

Boobies Make Me Smile

2/17/2008 12:00:00 AM

This shirt was designed by: One of the TShirtToday designers

Shirt color: Black

Placement: Centered

Dam It ALL!

2/16/2008 12:00:00 AM

This shirt was designed by: One of the TShirtToday designers

Shirt color: Creme

Placement: Centered

Smile It Makes People Wonder What You're Thinking

2/15/2008 12:00:00 AM

Here's some things to think about to get you on the right track.

There are two rules for success: 1.) Don't tell all you know.

Sacred cows make the best hamburgers.

There is no "I" in "Team", but there are four in "Platitude-Quoting Idiot".

Follow your dreams, except for that one where you're naked at work.

Originality is the art of concealing your sources.

All I ask is a chance to prove money can't make me happy.

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on.

Letting the cat out of the bag is a whole lot easier than putting it back in.

Red meat is not bad for you. Fuzzy green meat is bad for you.

Soccer

2/14/2008 12:00:00 AM

This shirt was designed by: One of the TShirtToday designers

Shirt color: Light Blue

Placement: Centered

Milf it does a body good

2/13/2008 12:00:00 AM

Research has shown that having a Milf on a regular basis do not increase their risk of coronary heart disease, but in fact it can help protect against ill-health.

The US Council for Adult Health has welcomed the research from the renound Dr. Andrew Rivera , as it finally dispels the myth that having a milf is bad for your heart.

A 25-year long study, involving men in Scotland between the ages 35 and 64, found that death from heart disease was 8% lower among men who had a milf per day compared to those who had no milfs.

The study, which was published in the Journal of Adult Health, also showed that death from all causes, including cancer and stroke, was 10% lower among those who enjoyed a milf compared to those who had not.

Dr. Anita Phallus, manager at the US Council for Adult Health said ....

Castration

2/12/2008 12:00:00 AM

This shirt was designed by: One of the TShirtToday designers

Shirt color: Black

Placement: Centered

There can be only one!

2/11/2008 12:00:00 AM

He is at once everything and nothing, substance without form, shape without motion, time without reason... and in the end there can be only one!

Drink in Moderation

2/10/2008 12:00:00 AM

ONE - Relaxed. To most drinkers the first pint or whatever disappears almost unnoticed and will have little or no effect on speech/coordination etc. Conversation will be of the polite, perfunctory variety e.g. soaps, school days, sport and the price of net curtains, etc.

TWO - Merry with the taste of that naughty little intoxicant in your mouth. The second drink is invariably downed at a much faster rate than the first, with everyone anticipating the revelry to come. This is a good time to go to buy drinks, the bar will be easily accessible and if not everyone has shown up yet, you will get away with a smaller round, enough said.

THREE - Tipsy. Inhibitions start to break down as the alcohol puts to bed the spoilsport part of the brain that controls reasonable behavior. The urge to consume copious amounts of salted bar-snacks will begin about now and last right up until the first wave of nausea strikes.

FOUR - Half-cut voices are without doubt getting louder and the same jokes are now much, much funnier than they seemed earlier. The incessant repetition of some dodgy comedian's redundant catch phrase will also never fail to get laughs...very poor. .

Love Safari

2/9/2008 12:00:00 AM

This shirt was designed by: One of the TShirtToday designers

Shirt color: Creme

Placement:Centered

Burnt

2/8/2008 12:00:00 AM

This shirt was designed by: One of the TShirtToday designers

Shirt color: Asphalt Grey

Placement:Centered

Penquin Surfing

2/7/2008 12:00:00 AM

This shirt was designed by: One of the TShirtToday designers

Shirt color: Light Blue

Placement:Centered

Beeotch

2/6/2008 12:00:00 AM

This shirt was designed by: One of the TShirtToday designers

Shirt color: Light Blue

Placement:Centered

Beach It!

2/5/2008 12:00:00 AM

This shirt was designed by: One of the TShirtToday designers

Shirt color: Light Blue

Placement:Centered

Yea they are

2/4/2008 12:00:00 AM

Just like Tom Cruise, Muppet stars Ernie and Bert have, at times, threatened to sue over persistent rumors about their sexuality, to prove that they're not gay.

Whispers have dogged the "Sesame Street" legends. They live together. They sing silly songs. They bicker like husband and wife. One has a curious obsession with his rubber ducky.

Bert and Ernie conduct themselves in the same loving, discreet way that millions of gay men, women and hand puppets do. They do their jobs well and live a splendidly settled life together in an impeccably decorated cabinet.

Well, the jury may still be out but the veridict seems obvious

Peas Out

2/2/2008 12:00:00 AM

These little green gems are favourites with everyone. Peas are in the top ten of all the things.

Definition: A friendly way to say goodbye.

Example:

1) Peas out, guys. I'm going home.
2) Yeah, see you then, peas out.

The Latin name for peas is pisum sativum but "pisum sativum OUT" seems a little wordy doesn't it?

The oldest pea ever found was nearly 3,000 years old and discovered on the border of Burma and Thailand but it didn't taste very good when they found it.

If you threaded every frozen pea produced each year in the UK onto a piece of string you would need 3,900,000 kms of string, which would stretch from the earth to the moon and back more than five times!

Gun Shot

2/1/2008 12:00:00 AM

You find yourself stuck in a hole with a murderer, a rapist, and a lawyer. You're armed but you only have 2 bullets left, what do you do? Shoot the lawyer. Twice

At one Army base, the annual trip to the rifle range had been canceled for the second year in a row, but the semi-annual physical fitness test was still on as planned. One soldier mused, "Does it bother anyone else that the Army doesn't seem to care how well we can shoot, but they are extremely interested in how fast we can run?"

A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head.The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: "Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: "OK, now what?"

A panda walks into a burger joint, orders a burger, pulls out a gun shoots the waiter and leaves. The waiter looks up and says what the hell is wrong with you. And the panda says: "I read that pandas eat shoots and leaves."

I'm very popular

1/31/2008 12:00:00 AM

101 Reasons why women prefer cucumbers to Men

1. The average cucumber is at least 6 inches long.

2. Cucumbers stay hard for a week.

3. Cucumbers won't tell you size doesn't count.

4. Cucumbers don't get too excited.

5. Cucumbers never suffer from performance anxiety.

6. Cucumbers are easy to pick up.

7. You can fondle a cucumber in a supermarket.... and you know how firm it is before you take it home.

8. Cucumbers can get away any weekend.

9. With a cucumber you can get a single room.... and you won't have to check-in as Mrs. Cucumber.

10. A cucumber will always respect you in the morning.

11. You can go to a movie with a cucumber.... and see the movie.

12. You can go to a drive-in with a cucumber.... and you can stay in the front seat.

13. With a cucumber you can always wait until you get home.

Einstein Simplified

1/30/2008 12:00:00 AM

Albert Einstein (14 March 1879 - 18 April 1955) was a German physicist. He is best-known for his Special and General Theories of Relativity, but contributed in other areas of physics. He became famous for his explanation of the photoelectric effect (for which he received the Nobel Prize) and was also a pioneer of quantum mechanics.

When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity.

- Albert Einstein

Hero: Just an idiot on a good day.

1/28/2008 12:00:00 AM

Hero's do the most insane things and live to tell about it. Idiots don't.

Dude

1/27/2008 12:00:00 AM

The term "dude" is an American English slang word used informally to address a male person. The word may also be used in the same manner for a female (as its counterpart, 'Dudette,' quickly fell out of favor of common usage). Sometimes people still use dudette although it's out of trend. In informal speech, many young people use the word "dude" freely."Dude" may also be used alone in a sentence, serving as an exclamation; denoting a feeling of surprise, happiness, disappointment, amazement or other emotions.

Originally "dude" meant a city person in the country, with strong connotations of ignorance of rural ways. The word as used in contemporary culture, typically American, may have had its origins in the Irish, and indeed, 'dúdaire' in modern Irish is a deragotory term for an 'eavesdropper', or a generally ridiculous character. The word is also found in German where "Dude" is dialect for ‘fool’. Today in American English, the word may call to mind stereotypical members of late 1980s surfboard culture in coastal California.

One drug encompassing it all!

1/26/2008 12:00:00 AM

We started to write more about this shirt, but there is just no way to do better than the original bit.

Varmint Cong

1/25/2008 12:00:00 AM

In the immortal words of Carl Spackler

"License to kill gophers by the government of the United Nations.
Man, free to kill squirrels at will. To kill, you must know your enemy,
and in this case my enemy is a varmint. And a varmint will never quit - ever.
They’re like the Viet Cong - Varmint Cong.
So you have to fall back on superior firepower and superior intelligence.
And that’s all she wrote.”

2160 Days since I last gave S@#%!

1/24/2008 12:00:00 AM

Taoism: S@#% happens.
Confucianism: Confucius say, "S@#% happens."
Buddhism: If s@#% happens, it isn't really s@#%.
Zen Buddhism: S@#% is, and is not.
Zen Buddhism #2: What is the sound of s@#% happening?
Hinduism: This s@#% has happened before.
Islam: If s@#% happens, it is the will of Allah.
Islam #2: If s@#% happens, kill the person responsible.
Islam #3: If s@#% happens, blame Israel.
Catholicism: If s@#% happens, you deserve it.
Protestantism: Let s@#% happen to someone else.
Presbyterian: This s@#% was bound to happen.
Episcopalian: It's not so bad if s@#% happens, as long as you serve the right wine with it.
Methodist: It's not so bad if s@#% happens, as long as you serve grape juice with it.

Morning Wood

1/23/2008 12:00:00 AM

The North American morning wood (or morning glory) is a species of tree belonging to the Erectae family, closely related to the hardy palms species of palm trees.

The species evolved from the much smaller Asians plant known as dwarf forrestii (which is actually a shrub), the African sequoiadendron relative biggus longaeva (which is black in color and known for its great mass), and the Western European placito phallicdendrum (which is more comparable), all of which became crossbred during Europe's imperialism of Asia and Africa. The European colonization of North America brought the hybrid morning wood to North America whereas its African, European, and Asian counterparts are for the most part are still purebred.

Make her think she's fat

1/22/2008 12:00:00 AM

My brother's just opened a shop. Really? How's he doing? Six months. He opened it with a crowbar.

My brother's one of the biggest stickup men in town. Gosh is he really? Yes, he's a six-foot-six billposter.

My sister wanted to marry a man clever enough to make a lot of money but dumb enough to spend it on her !

My sister is so dim she thinks that a cartoon is a song you sing in a car.

My sister went on a crash diet. Is that why she looks a wreck ?

Peter: My brother wants to work badly! Anita: As I remember, he usually does !

Sister: Mom wants you to come in and help fix dinner. Brother: Why? Is it broken?

Why did your sister jump out the window ? Because she wanted to try out her new spring suit

Why does your sister have yeast and shoe polish for breakfast ? Because she wants to rise and shine.

Old Skool

1/21/2008 12:00:00 AM

1952 A.S. Douglas creates the first computer game, Noughts and Crosses as part of his doctoral dissertation.

1953 Engineer William A Higginbothat - who previously heloed build the first atom bomb is the first American to invent an interactive computer game. Tennis for Two

1962 MIT's Steven Russell creates Spacewar!

1968 Ralph H Baer applies for a U.S. patent for a Television Gaming and Training Apparatus.

1971 Nolan Bushnell creates Computer Space, the first coin arcade style game.

1972 Magnavox rolls out the first home game console, the Odyssesy.

1975 The first home version of Pong is created by Atari and sold under the Tele-Games label through the Sears Roebuck catalog.

1977 The first multi-game home console, the Atari 2600, is released.

I'm Huge In Japan

1/20/2008 12:00:00 AM

According to Mainichi Daily News, these are the top 10 consumer products and services in Japan right now:

1. Flat-screen TVs
2. New-model video game consoles (Playstation 3, Nintendo Wii)
3. Billy's Boot Camp (exercise DVD with Billy Blanks)
4. Horse-riding exercise equipment (rodeo machines for home exercise - the latest fitness gadget - help you look ridiculous and get fit at the same time)
5. High-performance handheld videogames (Sony PSP, Nintendo DS)
6. The cellphone number portability system (keep your phone number when you switch companies)
7. Transportation-based electronic money (smart cards for paying for transport; now works on almost all trains, subways and buses in Tokyo)
8. Handheld digital audio-video goods (iPods, portable video players)
9. Resin sandals (Crocs)
10. Brain-training videogames

Pink Freud

1/19/2008 12:00:00 AM

The first human who hurled an insult instead of a stone was the founder of civilization

The mind is like an iceberg, it floats with one-seventh of its bulk above water

Everywhere I go I find that a poet has been there before me

Time spent with cats is never wasted

Dreams are often most profound when they seem the most crazy

Neurosis is the inability to tolerate ambiguity

If it’s not one thing, it’s your mother.. no wait, that was Robin WIlliams sorry about that!

Rock the Funk

1/18/2008 12:00:00 AM

When in doubt, rub a little funk on that rock.

This shirt was designed by: One of the TShirtToday designers

Shirt color: Black

Placement: Centered

What color do Smurfs turn if you choke them?

1/15/2008 12:00:00 AM

This shirt was designed by: One of the TShirtToday designers

Shirt color:Red

Placement: Centered

Just say no

12/31/2007 12:00:00 AM

On Feb. 9, Virginia’s House of Delegates approved a law making it illegal to show your skivvies in public. Dubbed “the droopy pants bill,” it called for a $50 fine to anyone exposing their undies in a “lewd or indecent manner” (as opposed to displaying your knickers in a tasteful, discreet manner). But just a day later, someone apparently wised up to this simply comical waste of governmental time and money, and the bill was axed by the commonwealth of Virginia’s Senate committee.

Yes, sagging pants and prominently displayed underwear are no longer just the realm of NBA players, hip-hop stars and prepubescent boys who mangle gang signs and sputter out “Yo-yo” like they have Tourette’s. As low-rise pants have gradually descended further and further south it’s become fashionable to have the thong hanging out in public.

In 2002, salon.com was just one of many publications to declare butt crack the new cleavage...

PC - Ugly

12/30/2007 12:00:00 AM

You're so ugly, when you walk into the bank they turn off the cameras.

You're so ugly, you went to a haunted house and came out with an application.

You're so ugly, you could model for death threats.

You're so ugly, when you were born they put tinted windows on your incubator.

You're so ugly, when you sit in the sand the cats try to bury you.

You're so ugly, you stuck your head out of the car window and got arrested for mooning.

You're so ugly, you have to Trick or Treat by phone.

Happy New Year

12/28/2007 12:00:00 AM

As the year comes to a close let's face it - 2007 kinda sucked. The war in Iraq is still in full swing, the tragedy at Virginia Tech shattered the happy-go-lucky mentality of college students nationwide and vice president Dick Cheney served as acting president for two hours July 21 while President George W. Bush underwent a colonoscopy. Scary.

The hits just kept on coming, though - Anna Nicole Smith's untimely death in February took up media time, and Drew Carey replaced Bob Barker as host of The Price is Right in October. Would the madness ever end? In the midst of all this mayhem, the entertainment world was transformed by 10 very specific people, events and phenomena.. Some were good , some were bad and some were just horrendous . But hey, a new year is around the corner.

10. SOULJA BOY - this year's ubiquitous hit...

Ta Loca

12/26/2007 12:00:00 AM

If you work too hard, there is never any time for her.

If you don't work enough, you're a good-for-nothing bum.

If she has a boring repetitive job with low pay, it's exploitation.

If you have a boring repetitive job with low pay, you should get off your ass and find something better.

If you get a promotion ahead of her, it's favoritism.

If she gets a job ahead of you, it's equal opportunity.

If you mention how nice she looks, it's sexual harassment.

If you keep quiet, it's male indifference.

If you cry, you're a wimp.

If you don't, you're insensitive.

If you make a decision without consulting her, you're a chauvinist pig, you bastard.

If she makes a decision without consulting you, she's a liberated woman.

If you ask her to do something she doesn't enjoy, that's domination.

If she asks you, it's a favor.

If you try to keep yourself in shape, you're vain.

If you don't, you're a slob.

If you buy her flowers, you're after something.

If you don't, you're not thoughtful.

If you're proud of your achievements, you're an egotist.

If you're not, you're not ambitious.

If she has a headache, she's tired.

If you have a headache, you don't love her anymore, and you must be sleeping around.

Naughty Elves

12/25/2007 12:00:00 AM

I was going to write something about this shirt and then I stumbled across a quote from Mae West and her song from 1966

"My left leg is Christmas and my right leg is New Year's. Why don't you visit me between the holidays?" -Mae West

From Mae Weszt Wild Christmas in 1966

Santa Baby,

Just slip a sable under the tree

For me

Been an awful good girl

Santa Baby, so hurry down the chimney tonight

Santa baby, a '54 convertible, too

Light blue

I'll wait up for you, dear

Santa baby, so hurry down the chimney tonight

Think of all the fun I've missed

Elderly Butt Felt Crossing

12/24/2007 12:00:00 AM

Gramps and grannies have been doing the wild thing since Adam and Eve were deep into their Golden Years. Methuselah was 187 years old when he fathered Lamech. And that was long before either Viagra or the Internet.

According to a recent Janus Report, "Seventy-four percent of women age 65 and older engaged weekly in sexual activity compared with 68 percent of women ages 18 to 26. And get this: Four out of 10 claim they'd like to have sex even more often.

But here's the dirty little secret: What older women want, men can't deliver! At least that's what the experts at SeniorSite believe. A global survey of 27,780 aged 40 to 80 from 30 countries found aging women become sexually dysfunctional at half the rate of men.

But isn't that why God created Viagra?

And, yes, coffee. The Archives of Internal Medicine tells us that drinking a cup of Joe translates into "a higher rate of sexual activity in elderly women and a decreased prevalence of impotency among elderly men." No one knows why. Some speculate that the brew promotes more liberal behavior, but if that were true, Democrats would now occupy the White House.

Whatever, coffee can't hurt.

My Life is

12/23/2007 12:00:00 AM

Beer Pong - A test of drunken skill and aim. Perhaps the greatest drinking game ever invented???

How to Play Beer Pong:

Keg Cups (usually 6 or 10) are partially filled with beer and set up in a diamond shape on each ends of the beer pong table. When a ping pong ball lands in an opposing players cup, that cup must be drank by the opposing player. The winner is the player with the most cups left.

Flip Cup - A great drinking game for groups who are energetic and like doing something active. This game can get loud, as with most drinking games. But, the competitiveness this game brings is fun!

Game Summary:

Flip CupIts a team based drinking relay race. Two teams line up opposite of each other at a table. First person chugs their beer out of their keg cup. The next person can't go until the person before them has drank all their beer and set their cup on the edge of the table and successfully "flipped it" until it has landed upright.

Buy a Drink with their money

12/21/2007 12:00:00 AM

Most pickup lines are pretty corny and make you wonder if anyone really uses them or if they work, but here's a list of some of the most popular ones on the internet.

Am I dead, Angel? Cause this must be heaven!

Apart from being sexy, what do you do for a living?

Be unique and different, just say yes.

Can I flirt with you?

Damn girl, you have more curves than a race track.

Honey, I'm new in this town - dya think I could have directions to your house.

I hope you know CPR, cos you take my breath away!

Were you arrested earlier? It's gotta be illegal to look that good.

Is that the sun coming up... or is that just you lighting up my world?

Baby, you are everything I never knew I always wanted

I saw a flower this morning and I thought it was the most beutiful thing I've ever seen until a gazed upon you.

I have never had a dream come true until the day that I met you.

I hope your day is as radiant as your smile.

Hey honey, when are you gonna let me cook dinner for you?

Hey I just realized this, but you look alot like my next girlfriend.

They say apples don't fall far from the tree so you're mom must be hot too.

Santa must've come early this year, cuz you were first on my christmas-list.

Hey you almost killed me! (what did I do?) I saw you and forgot how to breathe.

Heard any good ones? Tell us your best.

Turduken

12/20/2007 12:00:00 AM

A Turduken is a partially de-boned turkey stuffed with a de-boned duck, which itself is stuffed with a small de-boned chicken.

I'm not single

12/18/2007 12:00:00 AM

Political Correctness Can Be Some of the Funniest Stuff

Alcoholic - Anti-Sobriety Activist

Assassination - involuntary term limitation

Cannibalism - Intra-Species Dining

Dead - metabolically challenged

Dishonest - Ethically disoriented.

Drunk - spacially perplexed

Dishonest - Ethically disoriented.

Homeless - residentially flexible

Incompetent - Uniquely Proficient

Insane People - Selectively Perceptive

Lazy - motivationally deficient.

Midget / Dwarf - Vertically Challenged

Prostitute - sex care provider

Shoplifter - Cost-of-Living Adjustment Specialist

Ugly - aesthetically challenged

Unemployed - Involuntarily leisured.

Vomiting - Unplanned Reexamination of Recent Food Choices

I'm with Stupid

12/12/2007 12:00:00 AM

Machete wielding villagers chopped off their pastor's hand when they caught him cheating on his wife with his mistress, in Virembe, Kenya.

Bored housewives are paying £65 an hour for nude male cleaners in Tunbridge Wells, Kent

Police searched all night for a woman, 83, missing from an old-folks home in Cosenza, Italy and found her next day in bed with a man across the hall.

A computer fan had a romance on the Internet. When he fixed to meet his love in Sydney, Australia, she turned out to be the woman he'd divorced eight years ago.

A court witness had to tell the truth when a lawyer asked if she was sexually active. "No, I just lie there," she replied in Chicago Illinois.

A Prudish businessman is having trouble filling jobs at his New York security firm after insisting all female staff must be VIRGINS - and have six-monthly medical checks.

V is for Vienna

12/10/2007 12:00:00 AM

The time has come for the sausage to meet his maker and to repay him in kind for all that he has done.

Who? Who is but the form following the function of what, and what I am is a sauasage in a can.

Eggs, please. . .there is a sauasage inside this can, but it's not me. I'm no more that sausage than I am the meat like product beneath it, or the bones that were ground up to mix into them.

This may be the most important moment of your sausage life. Commit to it!

The only verdict is Vienna, a vendetta, held as a votive not in vain.

Sausage should not be afraid of their governments. Governments should be afraid of their sausage.

I'm not questioning your powers of observation, I'm merely remarking upon the paradox of asking a sausage in a can who he is.

Green?

12/4/2007 12:00:00 AM

* Always-Plugged-In Electronics Can Be Power Vampires
Appliances that can’t go into low power mode when plugged in continue to suck energy even when they’re not actively in use, like your computer or cell phone charger. It’s not a lot of energy but it adds up. People could save almost $50 a year on energy costs by plugging things, not directly into a wall, but into a power strip—and then turning the strip off at night or when they're’re not using it.

* Laptops Are Way More Eco-Friendly Than Desktops
A regular desktop computer uses about 300 watts of power, and that adds up to about $405 a year to run. On the other hand, a laptop computer uses only 45 watts of power and costs about $50 a year to run. I'm sure it helps that once your laptop battery is charged, you can unplug the computer from it and the plug from the wall. But overall it's quite eye opening to see how much more energy a desktop computer uses.

Will you commit to my Expresso?

12/3/2007 12:00:00 AM

Michelangelo's David makes people go Crazy

According to a psychiatrist in Florence by the name of Dr Graziella Magherini, great works of art can make people feel anything from disorientation and queasiness, to temporary panic attacks, and even moments of madness in sensitive or cultured onlookers. Magherini has even labeled the condition as "David Syndrome".

Geostationary Banana Over Texas

Here's something for the kooky category. The Geostationary Banana Over Texas project hopes to put a giant banana over Texas.

The artist behind the Banana Over Texas work is César Saez. Saez plans to put the banana between the high atmosphere and earth's lower orbit for about one month. It will be visible to Texans with the naked eye, day and night.

Broken Star

12/2/2007 12:00:00 AM

Regular Price is $15.00 for this shirt, but if you were at the show last night "Broken Star" is Free if you have the Promotional Code that was only available from the show (Limit 1 per Promotional Code)

Last night was THE night! TShirtToday's kicking off last night's Weszt concert in style with the "Broken Star" t-shirts! This t-shirt was inspired by the band’s new CD, Morningafterlife. Don't you dare go without having your own Weszt shirt from TShirtToday!

Answer the Following Weszt Trivia Questions Correctly on the Special Instructions of the Shipping Page and Receive a Special Surprise

1) What are all the band member’s names?

2) Who was the producer of morningafterlife?

3) What is the largest venue that Weszt has played for so far?

Strange Animal Facts

11/30/2007 12:00:00 AM

Researchers from the University of California, Berkeley and from Texas A&M University have developed a new kind of bird-watching system that automatically identifies birds in flight and records their movements in high-resolution video. Ultimately, the researchers hope the cameras catch a glimpse of the ivory-billed woodpecker. The search for the woodpecker, long thought to be extinct, was revitalized in 2004 when a bird resembling the species was caught on video in the Cache River National Wildlife Refuge of eastern Arkansas. The video was too blurry, however, to allow a definitive identification.

A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out.

The ant always falls over on its right side when intoxicated.

Polar bears are left-handed.

The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds, that makes the catfish rank #1 for animal having the most taste buds.

Formula To Calculate Beer Goggles

11/29/2007 12:00:00 AM

Scientists believe they have worked out a formula to calculate how "beer goggles" affect a drinker's vision.

The drink-fuelled phenomenon is said to transform supposedly "ugly" people into beauties - until the morning after.

Researchers at Manchester University say while beauty is in the eye of the beer-holder, the amount of alcohol consumed is not the only factor.

Additional factors include the level of light in the pub or club, the drinker's own eyesight and the room's smokiness.

The distance between two people is also a factor.

Big Foot Is My Home Boy

11/28/2007 12:00:00 AM

Believe it or not there is actually a “scientific research organization dedicated to the research of BigFoot!

It's a fact that for more than 400 years people have reported seeing large, hair-covered, man-like animals in the wilderness areas of North America.

It is a fact that sightings of these animals continue today. Real or not, these reports are often made by people of unimpeachable character.

It is a fact that, for over seventy years, people have been finding, photographing, and casting sets of very large human-shaped tracks. Most are discovered by chance in remote areas. These tracks continue to be found to this day.

It is a fact that the cultural histories of many Native American and First Nation peoples include stories and beliefs about non-human "peoples" of the wild. Many of these descriptions bear a striking resemblance to the hairy man-like creatures reported today.

We say lighten up a bit and put Bigfoot on your shirt

Get a free t-shirt this weekend!

11/20/2007 12:00:00 AM

What an exciting weekend coming up! Weszt will not only be back at their old stomping grounds, Back Booth, in downtown Orlando, they’ll also be giving away vouchers for free t-shirts courtesy ofTShirtToday.com! The new “Broken Star” t-shirts come only in classic black and are already on sale so check out TShirtToday.com all week, but if you’d like one for free, come out to the show, rock out with the band, go home with a voucher, logon to TShirtToday.com, and get your free shirt! . Don’t miss the show (information below) and don’t miss out on your chance of getting a new Weszt shirt for free!